JUST THINK ABOUT IT

A sketch I came up with while "playing up" with "PowerPoint".

MOTOR KAWASAKI

Terdapat sebilangan penduduk Kunak yang berketurunan dari suku kaum Timor. Ramai dari kalangan mereka yang mempunyai logat tersendiri apabila bercakap menggunakan Bahasa Malaysia. Antaranya ialah pengguguran konsonan 'n' yang terdapat pada hujung sesuatu perkataan. Misalnya, "belacan" disebut "belaca".

Kisah ini saya dengar dari sembang Budak-Budak Motor yang sedang duduk minum-minum disebuah warung mamak di Pekan Kunak:

"Di warung nilah saya jumpa Om tu," kata seorang pemuda memulakan cerita. "Om" ialah panggilan yang biasa digunakan untuk seorang lelaki Timor yang lebih tua dari orang yang berbicara dengannya.

"Selepas ni, Om mahu ke mana?", tanya ku kepada Om.

Om jawab, "Mau pigi cari kawasaki."

"Waah!...berapa cc, Om?", tanyaku lagi.

"Kau tanya sisi, kenapa? Banya sisilah!", kata Om dengan nada yang agak tinggi.

"Kalau banyak cc mesti besar tu Om. Saya boleh tolong," kataku menawarkan perkhidmatan. Manalah tahu boleh dapat komisyen. Dari si Om kah... dari tauke motor kah....

"Om cari kawasaki di kedai motor dekat pejabat Jabatan Pendaftaran. Sana banyak tu," sambungku lagi.

Om tiba-tiba bangkit dari tempat duduknya dan dengan marah berkata, "Phuii! Hei budak, kau janga mai-mai sama Om. Kami orang Timor kalo saki buka disimpa di kedai motor. Kami simpa di hospital!".

Barulah aku sedar yang si Om bukan mencari Motosikal Kawasaki tetapi sedang mencari kawannya yang sakit. Kerana perbezaan logat dan minat, 'kawa saki' bagi si Om ialah 'kawan sakit' sedangkan bagiku 'Kawasaki' ialah jenama motosikal yang aku minati.

GREEN FLY HAS TO WALK HOME

Gamad, a young man in his early twenties, had just graduated from a local teachers college. He had applied for a post as a primary school teacher in his hometown, Kota Belud. He was going to the Education Department in Kota Kinabalu for an interview. He boarded a bus and looked around for a vacant “strategic” seat (strategic in Gamad’s term is being close to good looking girls).Two gorgeous young ladies were on the bus, one in blue baju kurung while the other wore a pair of jeans and a white blouse. They were seated side by side. A seat in front of them was empty. Quickly, Gamad took up the seat.

“I’m going to ask one of these girls for a date,” thought Gamad with a wry smile.

The bus began its journey to Kota Kinabalu. Unnoticed by neither the bus driver nor the conductor, a free-rider was on the bus – a green fly. It flew around looking for a place to land. It found Gamad, circled around him for a while then landed on his big nose. Gamad waved his hand to shoo the fly away but it kept coming back.

“You know,” said the girl in blue seated behind Gamad to her friend. “Flies like to visit shits, dung and people who don’t take a shower in the morning.”

“Fortunately I took a good shower this morning,” replied the jeans-clad girl. “But clearly, somebody on this bus did not!” The girls giggled.

Sensing that the little talk of the girls behind referred to him, Gamad’s face turned red. The romantic picture of dating one of those girls flew away from his imagination. Frantically he waved his hands to shoo away the fly yet it kept coming back. The fly landed on his face. Swiftly, Gamad captured the fly and hold it in his fist until the bus arrived at the terminal.

After disembarking from the bus Gamad held the fly with his fingers and clipped off its wings. As he laid the fly gently onto the pavement Gamad said, “Stupid inconsiderate fly, you have disgraced me so much in front of those girls. You have caused me to lose the opportunity of having a romantic date. I took off your wings as a punishment for you. Now, you have to walk on foot all the way back to Kota Belud!”

-          - As told by my friend, Halid Harun of Kunak.